Rating: D+
Dir: Robert J. Avrech.
Star: Ellen Barber, Philip English, Sam Gray, Jocelyn Javits.
a.k.a. Death of a Nun.
I was expecting a good deal more from this, given the title – or, rather, titleS – weirdly cross-eyed and lurid cover (below), plus the presence of Avrech, whose next work would be as co-writer with Brian De Palma of Body Double. What this feature would not do, however, is get Avrech any more work as a director, remaining his one and only foray into that role. It’s understandable, because this is a thoroughly bland piece of work, especially given the potential for nunsploitation in the concept. Instead, it looks (and in particular, sounds, courtesy of the soundtrack from Carey Gold) more like a TV movie. Albeit, perhaps one from a slightly more liberal channel.
It’s also very dated in its attitudes, not the least of which is fairly religious heroine, legal secretary Marie (Barber) being worried about being on the verge of old maid-hood, at the ripe old age of… twenty-six. Yep, book the coffin now. It doesn’t help that her father (Gray) is perpetually nagging her about the topic. So when Mr. Right shows up, or at least Mr. Alright I Suppose, antiquarian bookseller John McPherson (English), she goes from single to married in about four weeks. Naturally, he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, coming with some severe mental baggage, in the form of childhood trauma resulting from the death of his caregiver, Sister Mary (Javits). This has left him with… certain predilections, and he sternly warns his new wife not to go into the library.
No prizes for guessing how this works out, though it’s never quite clear why John suddenly decides to take Marie hostage in the newlyweds’ remote home, cutting off communications with the outside world. She’s definitely not a nun, because crossing yourself a couple of times doesn’t exactly make you Maria von Trapp. John just seems psychotically possessive, yelling “You’re not going to leave me again!” – presumably as a result of abandonment issues out of his youth. It’s all rather uninteresting, and the most horrific thing here might be John’s fondness for polo-neck sweaters. Marie is equally as boring on her side, despite a vague resemblance (in certain lights) to Jennifer Connelly, creeping slowly round dimly-lit corridors.
The other title was used by noted purveyor of video nasties, Vipco, for the UK release, and I’ve no doubt hugely disappointed everyone who rented it. I guess the alternate isn’t strictly inaccurate, though the only nun who dies (and it’s not exactly graphic) appears to be a hooker paid to dress up in a habit. But by the end, John is making Marie play fancy-dress, when she’s not tied to the bed, while her parents grow concerned about their daughter’s apparent disappearance. And don’t even get me started on the ending. This is really not a horror film at all, being more of a thriller than anything. Although that would imply some kind of thrills being present, and it’s painfully light in that department as well.