Rating: C
Dir: Steven LaMorte
Star: Allison Pittell, David Howard Thornton, Jesse Posey, Amy Schumacher
Certainly the biggest of the public domain horror adaptations, with a reported budget of $2 million, and an actual name in Thornton, the star of the Terrifier franchise. It is the most faithful Steamboat Willie adaptation too, not least for taking place largely on New York’s Staten Island ferry. But in the end, it has not much more to offer than the usual, too familiar, “X, if X was a slasher.” This inevitably caps its effectiveness, compared to something genuinely subversive, like The Ugly Stepsister. However, if you’re in the mood for nasty fun – albeit fun of the least imaginative and only occasionally inspired kind – this should be capable of scratching that particular bloody itch.
Willie (Thornton), a two-foot tall human/mouse failed scientific experiment, is unleashed from the hold of the ferry, just in time for a late-night run. Before you can say “Happiest place on Earth,” he has killed off anyone capable of steering the boat, cut off communications with land, and started chewing through the motley crew of Noo Yawkers on board. There’s also Selena (Pittell), a fashion designer from Minnesota, who has had it with the Big Apple; deckhand Pete (Posey), who’ll probably be captain by film end; EMT Amber (Schumacher), and so on. Victim-wise, the main source of fodder is an all-girl birthday party, with a suspicious resemblance to certain royalty of a corporate nature, if you know what I mean. Should hopefully ring a, um, Belle.
Some elements are done well, like the dialogue which riffs on Disney, with lines like “Let it go,” or “It’s a small world.” The first half does a good job of capturing the irascible spirit of the city – which means F-bombs being dropped at Dresden levels. There’s also a Deep Blue Sea moment, which is kinda obvious, yet no less amusing for it. The kills are generally energetic, pleasingly practical and, in some cases, impressively non-PC. Witness the guy who gets his dick chopped off, spraying Shogun Assassin levels of blood onto his topless girlfriend. [The severed member shows up again later] Or the two birthday party guests who get their faces impaled, just after demonstrating their Ahegao faces. Stupid? Sure. Fun though.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of other stuff which is much less interesting, such as creeping around looking for flares, and thoroughly outstays its welcome. And doesn’t this ship have lifeboats on which people could bail out? It could use as sharp an axe on the editing as on the passengers. Also, the effects used to reduce Thornton to a mini-mouse (not to be confused with a Minnie Mouse, although…) are inconsistent, to put it mildly. These negatives slightly outweigh the positives, especially in a second half which, frankly, drags a bit. The makers of these still need to put as much imagination into the scenario as the kills. But I’d rather watch this than anything actually squeezed out of the Disney sausage factory.