Rating: B
Dir: P. J. Starks, and many others
Star: Jay Woolston, Christopher Bower, Joshua Cornelius, Katie Stewart
I’m not going to lie, there’s something a little weird about watching a Christmas-themed horror anthology in May. High today, here in Arizona? A balmy 90 F. And make no mistake, this isn’t “Christmas adjacent”. There will be no Die Hard-styled arguments over whether or not this counts. Virtually every story involves Santa, presents, tinsel, or similar artifacts, firmly placing this in the festive season. We have reviewed other, similar anthologies before, such as the Phil Herman produced I Slay on Christmas. But for sheer volume, this beats ’em all. In addition to the thirteen stories promised by the title, there’s a wrapround segment, directed by Starks, and a faux trailer for Deard Santa.
It’s a lot to cram into a hundred minutes, before the (understandably lengthy!) end credits roll. But that’s perhaps the anthology’s strength. There is absolutely no chance to mess around, when a film-maker has little more than five to seven minutes, to get in, tell their story and get out. You might think there wouldn’t be enough time. This movie is here to prove you wrong. Obviously, you can’t expect great depth in characterization, or plot complexity. Anything approaching that only happens in the wraparound, set in a bar where a group of people have been summoned by a mysterious email on Christmas Eve. They while away the time (top) telling each other stories – inevitably involving a bit of the old Christmas ultraviolence – until the purpose of them being there is revealed.
There is, of course, the usual anthology situation, where some of the stories resonate more than others. Especially given the total of fifteen elements, this will happen. I can’t honestly think of one which hung about long enough to become dull. This probably speaks somewhat to the slow death of my attention span (thanks, social media!), but the truth remains. If you don’t like any of these stories, just wait. There’ll be another one along in a few minutes. I do want to pick out a couple I particularly enjoyed, however. Almost at the end is Killer Caribou, by John Hale, in which a couple of hunters pick on the wrong prey. It predates Bambi: The Reckoning by almost five years.
I also liked Santa Claws by Drew Marvick – I’m guessing this stars his own offspring, as siblings who bicker over whether Father Christmas is real or not. Kid actors can often annoy more than they endear: these do not. Though again, the brevity here probably worked in their favour. Otherwise, scrolling through my notes, I’m hard-pushed to recall any segment I would call a dud. There are a couple where, to be honest, I don’t remember much detail, although we are close to “blink and you will miss it” territory in some cases. But overall, I’ve a feeling I may well be revisiting this one again – once the weather is cooler and the nights longer and darker.