Rating: B+
Dir: Jonas Govaerts
Star: Dimitri ‘Vegas’ Thivaios, Jeroen Perceval, Jennifer Heylen, Monic Hendrickx
a.k.a. H4z4rd
A berserk combination of Crank with a particularly tricky mission from Grand Theft Auto, this has energy and style to burn. Perhaps too much? It would be an argument I understand, because this is like being trapped in a phone booth with a hyperactive Golden Retriever. It’s certainly an experience you will remember, whether or not it’s one you’ll want to repeat. Me? I had a blast with every ludicrous minute. The hero is Noah Hazard (Thivaios), whose pride and joy is his tricked-out Lexus. He has one crucial duty today: pick up his daughter Zita from school at 3:30. His girlfriend, Lea (Heylen), will not be happy if he fails to turn up on time.
Naturally, there’s a catch. Cousin Carlos (Perceval) has just got out of jail, and needs a driver for a little job, much against Noah’s better judgment. For Carlos is a total jackass, and the only thing worse than his life choices is his spectacularly bad rapping. The backing track is on a penis-shaped thumb drive. Enough said. So what could possibly go wrong? Answer: absolutely everything, naturally. Over the remainder of the day, Noah’s prized vehicle is slowly destroyed. Never mind the growing crack in the windshield, a metaphor for his life falling apart. The car is battered, shot and splattered in blood, brains and literal cum, as he tries to make his appointment, and rescue Zita from a potentially lethal situation.
Except for the last few minutes, the entire film unfolds from inside the car: the characters may leave it briefly, but the camera never does. It’s testament to the kinetic energy and inventive camerawork here, that it took the best part of an hour to realize this had been the case. It certainly doesn’t limit the film, going places no well-maintained vehicle should ever go [hard to say whether it acts as an advertisement for Lexus, or a warning against buying one!]. Indeed, the script goes places no script should ever go either, weaving together elements as disparate as that windscreen crack and an escaped wolf into a whole, more coherent than expected.
In particular, one scene makes it the second film where I exclaimed, “I can’t believe they fucked the car.” The director reckons it’s a litmus test for your overall reaction. I tend to agree. It helps significantly that Thivaios and Perceval make a fine double-act. The former is the deadpan straight man, more disturbed by Zita eating a lollipop in the car than his life teetering on the edge. Given he’s better known as a DJ, despite bit parts in things like Jurassic World: Dominion, he acquits himself well enough. Perceval is the wild-card, all pharmaceutical energy and poorly-considered ideas, yet willing (albeit reluctantly) to do anything for his fam. It makes for a wild ride, accompanied by an enjoyable techno soundtrack. Just be sure to keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times. Otherwise, they might get mauled by a wolf.