Raging Sharks (2005)

Rating: C

Dir: Danny Lerner
Star: Corin Nemec, Vanessa Angel, Todd Jensen, Corbin Bernsen

If you see this turning up on the Sci-Fi channel, in about six months as part of a movie marathon, don’t be surprised. With the tagline, “You can swim…but you can’t hide”, it fits right in with other “classics”, such as Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy, in which Jeffrey Combs injects shark DNA into his own son, leading to…well, work it out. This doesn’t have quite the same level of loopiness (nor, regrettably, does it have Combs), but no movie with aliens who fly across the universe, only to crash their craft into a space-station, can be entirely ignored. It’s just a shame they didn’t show the alien driver holding an open can of beer, wearing a baseball cap and check shirt.

Such thoughts will come frequently during the movie, and are likely as entertaining as anything the film offers. As a result of the reckless UFO driving, part of the craft drops into the Bermuda Triangle. Five years later, an undersea lab now located there finds the local sharks are acting increasingly nasty, and have severed their lines to the surface. With time running out, it’s up to their boss (Nemec, looking like a young Gary Oldman) to rescue them, including his over-Botoxed wife (Angel); but what of the creepy federal official who’s tagging along?

Many low-budget films these days get made in the Czech Republic. This was made in Bulgaria, and occasionally, that shows – not least in cool, if overused, stock footage of real sharks – which, for some reason, growl like tigers here. We laughed like drains at that, but it’s still more convincing than some of the actors; they vary from the competent [Bernsen as a sub commander], down to Bernard Van Bilderbeek, who has the worst British accent since Dick Van Dyke. Painful death can’t come soon enough, and the sharks largely vanish during the final third; I imagine them taking their checks and swimming off in embarrassment. Yet, while a ludicrous hodge-podge, it’s not unwatchable. Indeed, taken in the right spirit, this is like a party to which you have to bring your own booze; how much fun you have, is largely up to you.