The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

Rating: C-

Dir: Renny Harlin
Star: Geena Davis, Samuel L. Jackson, Yvonne Zima, Craig Bierko

[22] After ‘Thelma and Louise’ (a film which proves a cliched, polemic script can be salvaged by kick-ass direction and performances), Geena Davis seemed to get a taste for action. Sadly, the audience begged to differ, first for ‘Cut-throat Island’, then in this, again under then-hubby Renny Harlin, which can’t decide whether it wants to be a warm, fuzzy family film or amoral, seditious, slaughter. Davis certainly cuts a peroxide blonde dash, but it’s jarringly at odds with the love shown to her annoying, whiny brat daughter – “are we going to die?” she bleats, and you really hope the answer is yes.

Samuel L. Jackson supports bravely, but the plot surpassed my (highly flexible) disbelief and the good lines get mis-directed. This idea has potential, which makes the final affirmation of all-American family values sadly wasteful. I feel I should also point out that Geena Davis is the only woman in the world who can be dunked repeatedly in ice-cold water without her nipples getting even slightly perky. Now, that’s what I call tough…