Full Eclipse (1993)

Rating: D

Dir: Anthony Hickox
Star: Mario Van Peebles, Patsy Kensit, Bruce Payne

Hang on…shouldn’t it be Total Eclipse? The fact that such astronomical pedantry crossed my mind shows how little this has to offer. Peebles plays a cop, lured into a secret sub-cult led by Bruce Payne, who injects the members with a serum derived from his own blood, giving them superhuman powers – and a fondness for Kennomeat, if you get my drift. Kensit turns up as Peebles’ bitch, while he takes at least 75, highly-irritating minutes longer than the audience to realise what’s going on. Clearly French wasn’t part of his education, or he’d know that the name ‘Garou’ is about as trustworthy as ‘Johnny Alucard’. The high concept – vigilante werewolves cops – has merit, and is certainly novel. All we need now is a cop Frankenstein and we’d have the complete set, alongside vampire and zombie police-officers (Dead Heat and Vampire Cop, should you care). However, little of the potential is ever achieved, with even Patsy Kensit’s inevitable kit-off moment being pretty toothless. Though Van Peebles does at least have the grace to do her doggie-style…