I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

Rating: N/A

Dir: Dirk Campbell
Star: Neil Morrisey, Amanda Noah, Anthony Daniels, Michael Elphick

[5] This was made by the same folks who are responsible for the TV series Boon, and stars a lot of the same people. According to John Wolskell, the co-producer and co-writer of it, they “set out to make a film with loads of blood and that was lots of fun”. Right on both counts – IBaVM is an outstanding entry in that difficult genre, the horror-comedy, and will be a well-deserved success if the reaction here was anything to go by – it was generally regarded as the hit of the festival. The title says it all; a Satanist is trying to summon a devil when proceedings are interrupted by a gang of Hell’s Angels who kill him. Thanks to the demonist bleeding into his motor-bike’s tank, it becomes possessed and at night, goes around seeking blood and revenge against the Hell’s Angels. This happens after it’s sold to a dispatch rider (Morrisey), who has to fend off the bike, the Hell’s Angels, his girl-friend (Noah), and the police while trying to get a priest (Daniels) to turn it into an exorcised bike [Ouch!].

The effects, from Bob Keen’s Image Animation, are highly arterial, with the (severed) head count close to double figures – add in fingers, legs & a bisected nurse and we’re in messier territory than ever reached by Hammer. And it’s Hammer who are the closest in spirit here – although without any sexual overtones, the bike is a true ‘classic’ vampire, repelled by garlic & crucifixes and fearful of day-light; with nearly every surface capable of slicing, crushing or mutilating, it’s one mother of a machine. If the film has a problem, it’s that it tries to cram in too much – one or two chunks, such as a dream sequence involving a talking turd, are funny but add little to it. However, given the probably low budget (the makers were very coy about it, in case it prejudices negotiations with distributors) it’s a lovely piece of work and hopefully will get a theatrical release, possibly with Blue Dolphin, the company who distributed Bad Taste.