Highway to Havasu (2017)

Rating: D+

Dir: Jeff Janke
Star: Ben Edlin, Andrew Fromer, Caleb Thomas, Lily Berlina 

I am, I imagine, far too old for this shit. But I am heartened by the realization, going off other reviews, that it’s not just me. Even if I was considerably closer to the target demographic [which I would be, back somewhere in the mid-eighties], I suspect I would still have found this largely a grating and unfunny exercise in that much-maligned genre, “teen comedy.” It begins in Bend, Oregon, where Dylan (Edlin) has just been dumped by his genuinely terrible girlfriend. To cheer him up, pal Billy (Fromer) ropes him into a road trip to Lake Havasu. Billy hopes to meet his crush there, since she’s visiting on spring break, and also along for the hopeful ride, is desperate virgin Maxi (Thomas).

The hypothesis here is that sex – almost regardless of type, or with who – is a universal panacea, curing all ills. This is especially true for Billy, who has a breast fixation which, frankly, would be cause for psychological treatment, possibly backed up by anti-psychotic medication. It doesn’t come off as the slightest bit endearing, veering hard into creepy, and is likely the film’s biggest misstep. Dylan is blandly mopey, meeting a local girl once they reach their Arizonan destination, and Maxi does at least have something of a character arc. Although I can personally vouch for the fact that losing your virginity does not, in fact, suddenly turn you into a DeLorean-driving bad-ass. Teen comedies: creating unrealistic expectations for close to fifty years.

On the way, and once they reach Lake Havusa, we meet a veritable procession of characters who occupy various, mostly high-scoring positions on the implausible/irritating axes. It kinda feels like writer-director Janke opted to throw every shallow stereotype he could think of into the mix, from the obnoxious DJ (who, at least, is intentionally annoying to be around), through to someone affecting a fake Mexican accent to play cop “Miguel.” However, very few of these are as amusing as the makers think. Porn stars Jesse Jane and Kayden Kross may provide the most convincing performances in the entire movie. They are playing strippers called Jesse and Kayden. Jane killed herself earlier this year with an accidental overdose of fentanyl and cocaine.

I would say this was out of shame for appearing in the movie, but I would be giving it rather too much credit. Outside of Billy, it’s not aggressively bad enough to make an impact. It just sits there, a procession of scenes which are intended to be funny, but really aren’t, and illustrate the gulf between good and bad comedy. And the actual nudity is surprisingly limited, considering the presence of a teacher called Miss Tlif (sic). The bulk of the film clearly was made at Lake Havasu, though the way it’s depicted makes it seems like a festering cesspit of vomit and chlamydia, and would have seemed a terrible idea to me at age seventeen. Now, I’d be in favour of taking off and nuking the entire site from orbit.