Demon Legacy (2014)

Rating: D

Dir: Rand Vossler
Star: AnnaMaria Demara, Grant Alan Ouzts, Kati Sharp, John Savage
a.k.a. Haunting at Foster Cabin or See How They Run

There are times where I completely forgot why I put a movie on my “To watch” list, in the time between doing so, and it bubbling its way up to the top of the pile. This would be one such case. I must have been in a particularly forgiving mood to think this shameless Evil Dead knockoff would be of interest. It’s straightforward spam in a cabin, as the already troubled Michelle (Demara) breaks up with her boyfriend Randy (Ouzts). She inexplicably decides the perfect cure for all that ails her is a weekend in her family’s remote cabin with her four photogenic besties. Never mind that the place was rebuilt after being burned down in a mysterious fire which killed her grandmother. I kid you not.

It’s not long – 25 minutes in, if you’re looking at your watch, and I know I definitely was – before they break out the ouija board from the basement. The spirit of granny comes back to pay a visit, and things go downhill from there, with various members of the Barbie 5 being possessed by demonic entities. Which means mostly stunt contact lenses and twitchiness. Loverboy shows up, there’s a lot of jogging through the woods, as Michelle and particularly irritating Goth wannabe Sharon (Sharp) try and avoid… well, whatever fate their demonic friends have planned for them. Though the most horrific thing here. is probably the terrible British accent sported by Wesley (Matthew Currie Holmes). He’s a random guy who shows up at the cabin for no reason, trying to play much younger than the actor’s forty years.

Annoying Sharon lasts much longer than I’d like, until the surviving trio decide – again, inexplicably – that another ouija session is just the ticket. Further incoherence follows, and even the film-makers appear to realize they’ve painted themselves into a corner, as after 70 minutes (yes, I am still counting, thanks for asking), John Savage shows up as a demon hunter ex machina to explain how Michelle can save the day. Oh, speaking of celebrity cameos, granny is played by Eileen Dietz, who is probably one of those vaguely familiar names. She played the possessed version of Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

Long story short: it doesn’t help. There is very little here that you haven’t seen done better, dozens of times previously. I think it might possibly have worked if they’d bypassed the opening hour and started off with Savage’s character (described in the credits as “Codger”, amusingly enough). Perhaps have him alerting Michelle to her occult inheritance, and that she’s the only one who can seal the portal opened by her grandmother. Instead, this began to lose me inside about five minutes, and was close to a hopeless cause by the time the ouija board came out. I still have no idea how the movie made it onto my list. Somebody will pay for this outrage.