Zombie Beach

Dir: Mukesh Asopa
Star: Mukesh Asopa, Katherine Stefanski, Kamal Nandi, Kevin Tracy

Never trust the IMDB. Currently rated 7.5 there, I note how most of the reviews are from people who have either a) never reviewed anything else, or b) have only reviewed the director's other movie. Hmmm. While not without promise, this is mostly amateur work, with a poorly thought-out script, cringeworthy dialogue and a grand total of about five zombies. From what I could tell, there's a beach where the undead are able to walk the earth, and woe betide anyone that goes there - for example, for a swimwear photo-shoot. Meanwhile, there's a policeman trying to figure out what's going on (I guess the 'Zombie Beach' sign didn't give him a clue), a holy man who provides all the necessary exposition, and leading man Roshan, played by director, producer and co-writer Asopa.

He's hardly the heroic type, possessing little in the way of screen presence, but he's hardly the film's worst element either. That would be the awful pacing, that lurches and lumbers like the titular monsters. Officially running 71, it is barely past 50 before you get to the zombie-themed rap (z-rap?), very slow credits crawl and out-takes. And it's 30 minutes before any meaningful z-action shows up, with far more time given to the "zany" antics of Roshan's chums, trying to scam girls into posing for them. Oh, the laughs just never start...

I always look for positives in micro-budget horror, and here, the look of the film is decent enough, with some interesting cinematography. The zombie make-up also does the job, and despite my previous sarcasm, the z-rap is actually not bad, part of a soundtrack that is all over the place style-wise, yet somehow works. But these don't come close to balancing the major problems with the script; Asopa might be better off deciding whether to write, direct or act, as on the evidence of this, dividing his talents among all three is spreading them perilously thin.

[July 2011]

Life's a beach
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