It is now approaching the third anniversary of our first feature, covering the wonderful world of Chinese monster movies, and our review of Sharp Teeth marked the fiftieth such film about which we have written. Eagle-eyed readers might have noticed things going quiet on that front since: it’s because we have been stockpiling reviews. What better way to finish off the year than to make our last feature of 2024, a collection of some of the latest entries in this genre? So, today, you get to see five reviews, leading off with a thoroughly unexpected remake of one of the Western classics in the WTF?-monster movie field.
While not all of these films quite reach that level (to put it mildly!), it’s been a fun experience and there seems to be a lot of desire to know about these films. My review of the Chinese version of Anaconda has consistently been the most popular page on the site since it was published in March (though was temporarily replaced last week by Dagger Kiss: Enchanted Forest – thanks, Reddit!). They’re still not getting the coverage which I’d say they deserve, despite the efforts here and of like-minded individuals. Shoutouts there to our colleagues in monstrous arms: Jim at Voices From the Balcony, and in particular, Adrian at Movies and Mania, who has been very helpful in tipping me off about candidates.
It’s notable that there has been an increase in YouTube channels devoted to these films, though some are… less than official, shall we say. These grey-market locations will often not use the official title, and mute or even replace the audio, in order to try and dodge copyright takedowns. It all makes investigation and research rather challenging, but thank heavens for Google Translate, which helps locate cast and crew information on Chinese sites like Baidu and Douban. Otherwise, my long-suffering friend Jack – the only person I know here in Arizona who is fluent in Chinese – would no longer be taking my phone-calls. 🙂
And without further ado, crack open the pot-stickers, and settle in for a night of… this…
Sharktopus (2023)
Rating: B-
Dir: Dongsheng Hu, Shixing Xu
Star: Ye Huan, Lo Liquan, Shen Wenjun, Michelle Ye
Well, this is unexpected. It appears to be a Chinese remake of the classic Roger Corman B-movie of the same name. Did the makers actually pay Corman? Or is this a particularly shameless knockoff, which decided not to bother changing the name, on the basis it was intended purely for a Chinese audience? However, they forgot about certain bootleg movie channels on YouTube, which uploaded the film – albeit with stock music dubbed in intermittently, to fool the automated copyright algorithm. This just adds to the surreal nature of things. You’re watching a giant shark/octopus hybrid rampaging around a cruise ship, while an enthusiastic musak version of The Campdown Races plays loudly in the background.
The ship is actually the base for genetic medical research being carried out by Fan Jingya (Ye). Her motives are good, seeking a treatment for the currently incurable disease with which her young son is afflicted. Her boss, Chen Tiankun (Shen), is not so altruistic, and opts to cut corners, leading to the shark and octopus crossbreed growing exponentially in size and aggression. Just as it breaks free, an international SWAT team shows up, under Lu Fei (Lo), to arrest Chen and shut the whole shady operation down. To complete that mission, they’re first going to have to live long enough. Oh, and Fei just so happens to be the ex-husband of Jingya, adding a strong personal element to the stakes here.
Outside of the titular creature – shark at the front, tentacles at the back, both ends highly irritated – there’s not much connection to the original. This plays its ludicrous concept straight, rather than with tongue plugged firmly in cheek. There are some weird elements which never quite mesh, such as the opening, where a giant – and I mean, giant – octopus beaches itself. Jingya and her team carve a vagina-like opening in its corpse and climb into its interior, which resembles a flesh cathedral, finding the first sharktopus within. Credit is also deserved, for the film really leaning into the “heroic sacrifice” trope, and doing so from an unexpected angle. Not that it matters much since we are here for the mayhem. How does it stand up there?
Rather well, providing you don’t think too much about the biology e.g. the hybrid is dubiously able to survive almost entirely out of water (though octopuses can last up to 30 minutes, breathing through their skin). The CGI is mostly acceptable (the ship is worse than the creature) and there appear to be some practical effects, which you don’t often see in this genre. My favourite sequence was definitely the end, where the monster is big enough, it can tip the ship onto its end. You more or less have a sharktopus remake of Titanic, including that heroic sacrifice mentioned above. This is completely ridiculous, and all the more amusing for that. The bootleg rendition of Chicago accompanying it is a valuable assist. It’s all not quite Anaconda, but official or not, I think Corman would be impressed.
This review is part of our feature, When Chinese Animals Attack.
The Monster Is Coming (2024)
Rating: C+
Dir: Liu Pujun
Star: Martin Zhang, Ao Lei, Su Jing, Alexandre Robillard
“Pangolins appear in the food court.” That’s a line here, though it feels closer to half of a recognition code exchanged between Cold War secret agents. This is one where I really had to work hard. The hardcoded English subs were in four-point font and vanished into any light background. The soft subs were out of sync. The audio stopped entirely on multiple occasions. And the English language performances sounded like they were generated by a first-generation speech to text program. Yet, there’s something oddly charming here, which kept my interest. It likely starts with this being the first giant killer pangolin movie I’ve seen. Yet it’s sympathetic to them too – as much victim as monster.
Mind you, what else would you expect except dodgy behaviour from a company called “Tinder Biological Technology.” I don’t know about you, but I’d be reluctant to buy my giant pangolins from a company named after a hook-up app. They have been creating genetically modified animals, but their two pangolins of unusual size escape, and start wreaking havoc. The company’s minions are on the trail, and so is biologist Song Nan (Zhang). His ex-wife Zhou Qian (Ao) works for TBT, under evil corporate overlord Samuel (Robillard), and isn’t happy about it. Their adorable little moppet, Xiaoting, ends up in the creatures’ underground lair (I’m not entirely sure how, to be honest), and this is where things go a bit different, because she befriends one of them (top).
The bits of this I could understand are not bad. However, I’d likely put the amount as not much more than thirty percent, and this largely consists of the giant pangolin attack sequences. These creatures are quite effective, capable of attacking in a number of ways, from both ends and in the middle. There’s one scene where a giant snake (source uncertain) attemps to get involved, and is shredded in short order, which may be a slight diss on other genre entries. Yet there’s a strong ecological thread here, with Song reading Beauty and the Beast to his daughter. At the end, Xiaoting asks her father, “Is my pangolin friend a prince, too?” and we’re told, “Every species has a prince with a heart of gold.”
If the high-concept stuff is decent, there’s a lot that doesn’t manage to make any impact. Song’s relationship with Zhou is unconvincing, and Samuel’s performance as a corporate head appears to be carved from a large block of cheese wrapped in ham. There are times where stuff happened, that I just had to assume made sense, such as the subplot involving TBT’s parent corporation, Olympus. At another point, a pangolin appeared to become highly caffeinated after being injected. That’s not something I’ve seen before, and I suspect will likely be a while before I see it again. Perhaps in a better presented version, I’d have appreciated it better. As is, I was hanging on by my fingertips for more of this than I’d like.
This review is part of our feature, When Chinese Animals Attack.
Megalodon Returns (2024)
Rating: C+
Dir: Sun Yu
Star: Chen Wai, Cheng Zhi Wei
What this film shows is, it’s probably better to have imagination than a budget. The aspiration here is clear from the very start, where a flash-forward crams in some truly mega-sized shark action, basically gulping down a freighter whole, before taking out an innocent bridge. If the CGI effects used had been anything up to the task, this could well have been an all-time classic. They’re not, but the overall impact is like watching your six-year-old grandchild showing you his breakdancing moves, inspired by fifteen minutes watching Raygun at the Olympics: the results may kinda suck, but the attempt is adorable in itself. I wanted to pat this movie on its head and give it a chocolate-chip cookie.
The excessively large shark here is not, technically, the prehistoric creature. It’s the product of unauthorized genetic tampering carried out at the D-TECH Marine Research Center. Though at least it’s with good intentions, deputy head Mo Lei having spliced in DNA from lungfish and insects, with the goal of solving world hunger. His boss, Yuan Cong (Chen), orders the project shut down, but before that can happen, one of the subjects slides down a drain and… Well, I’m sure you can figure out the rest. It’s up to Yuan and Marine Affairs Administration agent Jia-Em (Cheng) to find and implement a solution. And quickly, for the military, in the shape of spiffily uniformed Ma Di, are ready to adopt their usual approach: blowing shit up.
I’d like to have seen that, not least because Dr Yuan said “Deep-sea bombs could likely cause earthquakes and tsunamis.” Yes, but as an aficionado of disaster porn, is there a down side? Also, while the researchers are faffing around trying to come with an alternative Plan B, Ma unleashes Plan A: a shark-shaped submarine capable of chomping through the mutants, and also of firing torpedoes from its mouth. Again, it feels like something my six-year-old grandchild would create, while on a sugar high from one too many bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. It works, only until Mommy Megalodon shows up. Because there’s always someone bigger and nastier than you in the ocean. As we will see…
Inspired by Jia-Em rescuing her estranged father – what is a Chinese Animals Attack film, without family drama? – Yuan comes up with a plan. This involves electrolyzing the ocean, to create bubbles which will lure the sharks to the surface, where they can be ruthlessly gunned down from attack helicopters. After a heartfelt speech to convince locals to switch off their large-screen TVs to provide the necessary power, this works… Yeah, only until Mommy Megalodon shows up. However, at this point, the guardian deity of the ocean then appears, which it does “whenever the marine ecosystem is harmed.” Yeah, they basically Godzilla a resolution here, courtesy of a giant cephalopod which someone on YouTube nicknamed Golden Octopussy. This tentacles the apex predator, and drags it to the deep.
What you have here is all gloriously silly, and at less than 68 minutes long, it doesn’t have time to hang about. However, sadly, it manages to do so, with the planning and execution of Yuan’s Plan B managing to bring things to a halt, just when it should really have been ramping up. Between that and the fact that most of the effects leave a good deal to be desired, this only ends up coming in at about the average for overall quality. Still a considerable improvement over Meg 2: The Trench though.
Skull Island (2023)
Rating: D+
Dir: Luoxi Chen, Yekun Liu
Star: Louis Z. Deng, MuQi MiYa, Xiaojun Sun, Menglu Zhang
This seems almost entirely artificial, which is weird. You know how Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow looked? This has a similar feel. I’m not sure there’s a single shot here which took place in the physical environment depicted. It could, quite conceivably, have been completely fabricated with green screen, CGI and that new Unreal Engine technology. When I first saw leading lady Mu Ling (MuQi), I was convinced she was the first heroine in cinematic history generated by ChatGPT. I kept looking at her hands, to see if she had any extra fingers. This whole endeavour feels along those lines, beginning in a title apparently chosen with utter disdain for any cease and desist from Legendary Pictures.
Mind you, the AI used for Ling must have been trained on the collected works of Lara Croft, down to the braid and tank top. She heads off to the titular bit of land in search of a very frequent trope in these movies, the Missing Father™, who vanished while looking for a legendary treasure there. When her ship gets mugged by a kraken, Ling’s ex-boyfriend, an Indiana Jones wannabe bought on Temu, is hired to lead a rescue party. Hu Sha (Deng) does find Ling alive. It’s not long before he finds a lot of other things alive on the island too. These include a giant snake, bugs and critters which fall into the category of “I can’t even”, but are the finest CGI creations ten bucks and a bowl of chow mein can get you.
This leads to a lot of running around underground, quietly, for the monsters hunt their prey by sound. However, the tonal imbalance of the film becomes increasingly apparent here, with the silly comedic elements effectively kneecapping anything else. For instance, there’s a bit where a startled Sha turns round and empties his gun into a party member. It’s played for laughs: the problem is, it devalues death, so when anyone else dies, you’re left waiting for the punchline. As a result, the Big Reveal about the old man they find roaming the island (which is really not much of a surprise) lacks any real dramatic punch, as does the subsequent climax.
It is reasonably energetic, albeit weirdly tinted in just about ever shot. I can’t help feeling that it might have been better, entirely without Hu Sha, as he seems to be the main culprit, when it comes to the not very funny humour. He’s not alone though, or perhaps the random quoting of the most famous line from Forrest Gump lost something in translation. It doesn’t appear to have any particular significance, and comes out of nowhere, just… lying there on the screen. I had no clue how to react. I don’t watch these films for unsubtle callbacks to better, big budget Hollywood films, which add nothing to proceedings, and this relies far too much on that crutch.
This review is part of our feature, When Chinese Animals Attack.
Mutant Tiger (2022)
Rating: B-
Dir: Liu Wenpu
Star: Xie Miao, Hong Jianing, Ming Xiaoxi, Jing Yanqiao.
A long time ago, novelty act The Bonzo Dog Doo-dah Band had a song called Hunting Tigers Out in India. I kept finding myself humming it throughout this, and weirdly, can even remember the lyrics: “How many tigers can you find with forks and serviettes? / Don’t care in what part of you they fix their fretwork sets.” They really should have played it over the end credits here, though I guess China is not India. Unusually for the genre, the main poster does not feature the animal in question attacking either. I much prefer the alternate one shown here, for this is squarely in the genre, and in terms of CGI interacting with people, has among the best work I’ve seen out of China.
The story has evil eunuch Pang (Ming) who is harvesting essence of tiger, in order to make an elixir which will provide eternal youth. However, the tiger farming caused the big cats to go a bit wonky, and also become extremely aggressive. One of their apparent victims is Zhang Liuping, who went missing while on a hunting expedition. His brother, former Imperial soldier Zhang Liucheng (Xie) goes looking for him, but quickly finds himself and the rest of the nearby town, under siege by a large pack of – yes – mutant tigers. He has to lead the defense, protect an adorable orphan, and eventually, take on Pang. The eunuch ends up taking the elixir which… Well, he should have checked the website for side-effects, let’s leave it at that.
Particularly early on, this is very impressive. There’s something just slightly “off” about the tigers: this may be CGI limitations, but given the title, works in their favour. The sequences where they are attacking the town is impressive, it’s hard to deny, and unlike many films where it feels the creatures are copy-pasted on top of the footage, here they feel integrated to it. Could perhaps have used more arterial spray in the attacks, which are curiously bloodless considering the sheer amount of gnawing which is going on. However, they’re still effective, and there’s no shortage of action. We get a very nice swordplay duel in pouring rain too: been a fan of those since Hero.
Things do drag a bit in the middle, when the makers make the common mistake of trying to make us care about the human characters. This works as well as it normally does i.e. hardly at all. Fortunately, things then recover with a solid finale which sees Zhang and Pang’s forces both head out into the tiger enclave, leading to a memorable conclusion on a rope bridge (top). Will there be plummeting felines? Will there be heroic sacrifice? Will there be a coda which robs the heroic sacrifice of its impact? I’ll never tell. If the overall impact falls just a little short of being a top-tier WCAA film, I’d say the best segments are among the very best, and it’s still recommended.
This review is part of our feature, When Chinese Animals Attack.