Dir: Mary Lambert
Star: Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Kathryn Joosten, A Martinez
And Anaconda begat Python, which begat Boa, which begat Boa vs. Python, which eventually, following a few wrong turns, begat… this. And Trash City saw it, and it was good. Ok, “good” is a stretch: still, I should probably be embarrassed to admit how straight-up enjoyable this was, with several moments where I laughed like a drain – and, more surprisingly, with the movie, rather than as expected, at it. After all, the special FX were largely terrible, it starred a pair of 80’s pop singers who both did Playboy shoots last decade, and it came from The Asylum, whose have a terrible reputation, thanks largely to the ‘mockbusters’ they churn out.
However, this reminded me of how, when they are actually making their own films, they can be thoroughly entertaining low-budget flicks. Obviously, you take one look at the title – which basically is also a four-word summary of the storyline – and your Expectation Meter is barely twitching. We have been scarred by a long line of SyFy Original Movies that are neither SyFy nor Original, and barely qualify as Movies. But this certainly had its moments, such as snake-rights activist Gibson saying “I think we’re alone now,” and park ranger Tiffany’s deadpan response, “There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.” [Pause for readers under 30 to look up why that’s amusing]
Or a mega-python meandering on its way around Miami snatching The Asylum blimp out of the air, only to be carried away, as the punctured dirigible squirts around the sky. This kind of loopy invention and self-referential nonsense made for a lot of fun. Naturally, the plot isn’t up to much. Gibson releases some snakes into the Everglades, one of which eats Tiffany’s fiancee [I’m sure their characters had names, but really, there didn’t appear to be much acting involved]. Pissed-off at the snakes, Tiffany decides to beef up the local ‘gator population by feeding them steroids in bulk.
Though as an aside, it looks like she has gone through an enlargement process of her own, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. “What could go wrong?” she muses. What, indeed. Nothing that badly-integrated CGI, a guest spot for a 60’s pop icon and a lengthy cat- and food-fight between the two lead actresses (right) couldn’t solve, anyway. It’s probably a little too self-aware to reach true cult status: bad-film usually doesn’t wink at the audience quite so frequently. But this is Oscar-material in comparison to some we’ve seen, and even if, technically, we watched it Sunday afternoon, provides all you could want for a Saturday night flick.