Rating: C-
Dir: David Yates
Star: Jude Law, Mads Mikkelsen, Eddie Redmayne, Callum Turner
Mikkelsen plays the villainous Gellert Grindlewald incredibly well, as he does with all the villans he’s played (Casino Royale springs to mind), and in this film it is no different, for he is cold, aloof, cruel, calm, charming and brutal. He is the villains’ villain. Law plays Albus Dumbledore much like he plays any role. Anyhoo, Dumbledore was once in love with Gellert, with whom he made <some magical blood clot spell> that binds them both to destroy the muggle world. No matter what. Even unto death. Probably. Kinda. Sort-of…
And so we meet DD and GG in a charmingly decadent restaurant, having tea together, where it is clear that DD now no longer supports their infatuation-inspired desire to rid the world of mud-bloods and muggles, and instead prefers a more sensible and sane approach of living alongside peacefully. Sadly GG isn’t convinced and so the schism forms, and battle can commence.
There are plenty of cute little magical moments cluttering up the world as Dumbledore pulls together a hotch-potch band of assorted wizards and others, selecting Newt Scaramander (Redmayne) as their leader. It wasn’t clear to me which wizard he was channelling but Redmayne chooses to wear a seemingly permanent look of bafflement and bewilderment for the entire film – which is great as you never see enough flat, dull cardboard on screen these days.
As you might expect this is beautifully set and elegantly shot. It is also very 1930’s Germany in tone, for it is dealing with a coup conducted under the guise of an election as rules become ignored, evidence obfuscated and truths distorted. Complete with the arrogance of the ‘ruling classes’ assuming that they will control ‘him’ once elected and also the human failing of choosing what’s easy over than what’s right.
“Do you know what it’s like to be alone.”
Again, as you can expect, the CGI effects are all top-notch, if, overall, a little too much for this viewer’s complete comfort. The issue for me is that this feels very much like that Star Wars film that was all about a trade war and politics at play. It’s boring. Viz, verbatim from my notes: “Dry. Dull. Boring.”
And yet more vertbatimnessity: It’s an odd mix of childish, silly, brutal and pretty yucky in parts. And uninvolving.
Blah blah… it’s off to Bhutan for the finale.
Too long. Too dull. Pointless. Managing at best to be diverting. Pretty. Vacuous. Soulless.
Oh. Please. JUST END! [Oh god, it’s morphed into Notting Hill/Love Actually/any Richard Curtis film]
So. Make of that what you will. Jim will grumble that (as normal) I’ve barely mentioned the plot. But he/we should be used to that by now, surely!? But, to throw a bone, there is both an undead and alive Bambi that plays a key part to the film, and Team DD must deliver the live one, still alive, to the appointed place at the appointed time.
Overall: decent enough in parts, mildly diverting, and probably quite good for ‘Potterists’, but for me it was just too long, slow and uninvolving.
Phil’s score: Two bottles (needed, consumed).