Rating: C-
Dir: John Klappstein, Knighten Richman
Star: Caleb Ian Morley Fischer, Anuj Saraswat, Keltie Squires, Jeremy Hook
This is, clearly, low-budget and few of those involved seem to have much experience. These factors show up in a variety of ways and, to be honest, are difficult to ignore, especially in a first half which is mind-numbingly tedious. I almost fell asleep. Since I was watching this while running on the treadmill, that’s quite some achievement. However, once things get going – and I want to stress, this is very much “eventually” – there’s a raw energy to it which has some merit, providing you’re a fan of cheap and cheerful horror. You should probably not expect more than your basic “teens go to a cabin by a lake, and get picked off” movie, however.
It does help I had zero expectations or foreknowledge going in, not even the unrealistic promises of the cover. This is simply on a YouTube playlist of several hundred horror movies, through which I’m working my way. As noted, there’s the usual, mixed-gender group of young people, who go out to a cabin, to drink, smoke weed and make out. [Though the directors clearly proved incapable of getting any of the actresses to take their tops off, even when they are having sex.] Oh, and they talk. A lot. I won’t question the accuracy of this. I remember being young, having existential opinions, and believing that the world would be better for hearing them. I was wrong, and have considerably less patience now. These people are here to die horribly, for my amusement. Please hurry up and do so.
There are a couple of moments which are clearly intended to be creepy, but in isolation are more likely to provoke an “Eh?” from the viewer, than any other reaction. It’s after the half-way point – though in mitigation, it only runs seventy-two minutes – before things kick in. One of the girls goes for a dip (of the unskinny variety, naturally), and comes out with a rash on her leg. Things quickly degenerate from here, with the cars sabotaged and the pestilence escalating. The ailment is due to some kind of water parasite, which takes over its hosts and bends them to its will. It’s quite infectious too, being transmitted by projectile vomit in a variety of rainbow hues.
Things do improve thereafter, though the budget is not enough for the body horror this needs to lean into, to be effective. Imagine a low-rent knock-off of Cabin Fever, and you’ll be roughly around the right area. It improves, simply because the characters largely stop talking, in favor of trying to kill each other, and/or escape. As a result, the performances, which I’ll call “variable” in the interests of charity, become less of a problem. Saraswat, as medical student Fadi, a rare Asian horror hero, probably fares best with a likeable nature which is not unpleasant to be with. And I did genuinely laugh at the line, “DJ Night Rider does not touch dead dudes!” Perhaps you had to be there.