Rating: C
Dir: Jonathan Zuck
Star: Alice Eve, Eric Michael Cole, Elle Haymond, Jim Klock
Not to be confused with Chum!, which we reviewed earlier this week, this is much closer to Dangerous Animals, to the point that it’s almost suspicious. Both movies see a group of young and photogenic people fall into the grip of a psycho who likes to go fishing for sharks, using two-legged bait. The route by which we get there is different, and the motivation of the psycho is… Well, there actually is one here. I’m not sure it exactly makes sense. Still, it’s something. In the end though, it all comes down to people being dangled into the water, and screaming. So there’s a definite sense of deja vu here.
After a vague prologue, which doesn’t serve much purpose, we go to a wedding in Malta. Tina (Eve) is getting hitched to Tom (Cole), and fundamental differences in their moral philosophy are threatening to sink the marriage, almost before it began. The bridal party heads out for a sailing trip, which goes badly wrong. As in, the boat’s captain falls overboard and gets eaten, and the vessel then catches fire. The group are rescued by the conveniently passing Roy (Klock), who is clearly not right. Turns out he is seeking revenge on the shark who killed his wife. Normally he uses delinquents and other non-persons as a lure. When an entire buffet of human-shaped fish snacks comes swimming up to his boat… Roy just can’t help himself.
Unfortunately, having not enjoyed Dangerous Animals particularly much, this was where my non-prurient interest effectively died. To be fair, I still found this more entertaining. It does a better job of delivering on the mayhem I wanted to see. Or, in this case, hear – because it’s definitely the crunchiest shark film I’ve ever heard. I’m used to them roaring, for no biological reason which makes sense. But this was something new, and added to the impact. Well played, foley department. Less effective is the pacing, lurching from 0 to 100, and back to zero. After the awkward prologue, we’re stuck at Tina’s wedding for what seems like forever, including her father’s speech in its unedited entirety. There’s too much hanging around on Roy’s boat as well.
When it gets going, however, it’s by no means terrible. It did have at least one moment which will go down in the Hall of Infamy for the genre, when the movie literally jumps the shark (top). I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when they came up with this scene. I can only imagine it was in a bathroom stall, and accompanied by loud sniffing sounds. This probably also goes for the epilogue, in which Tina stares into the camera and blames climate change for everything. All it needs is her shrieking “HOW DARE YOU!!” But in the final analysis, if I’m going to watch a shitty shark movie – and you know I am – I’d rather it be one which is ludicrous than dull.
This review is part of our feature, Shark Week 2026: Gill-ty as charged.