Rating: D
Dir: Beau Yotty
Star: Beau Yotty, Lisa Barnes, Katrina F. Kelly, Stew Jetson
Oh, dear. After some improvement over the past couple of movies, this is a painful step back for Lone Gunslinger Pictures. Not quite Unearthed: The Curse of Nephthys bad, but definitely getting down there. It is basically a film about three couples, led by Jack (Yotty) and Dana (Barnes), who head out into the Superstition Wilderness for a weekend of camping, hiking and eating of Gus’s REALLY GOOD Fresh Jerky™ [The film did remind me I had some jerky in the cupboard, though mine is actually Daniel’s Really Good Fresh Jerky. I’m eating their Jalapeno Garlic Beef variety as I write, and can confirm, it is tasty. I have not been compensated for this statement] Their truck is stolen, one of their party disappears, and sounds indicate a very hungry mountain lion is on the prowl nearby.
Problem #1. The only mountain lion actually seen here, is a stuffed one in a sporting goods store before they hit the trail. The rest of the time, the only evidence of its presence are its growls. Now, to be fair, there is an explanation for this. But it’s entirely ludicrous, to the point where “they’re being stalked by an invisible cougar” would have been a considerable improvement. If the true perpetrator had been set up as the threat from the beginning, this very likely would have worked considerably better, as a basic story of outdoor survival against an unstoppable threat. There was really no need to throw on all of the convoluted trappings, which make as much logical sense as a psychotic, bullet-proof furry.
Problem #2. Far too much of the film is spent waiting around for something, anything to happen. We get a (non-)attack at the start, and for the next fifty minutes, the highlight is probably the sporting goods store owner breaking out his flamethrower in the parking lot. Because ‘Murica. The six-pack of hikers are, by cinematic standards, less irritating than some. It helps they’re a little more mature than is typical for this kind of wilderness horror, and their chit-chat has a vaguely authentic feel to it. They’re people I wouldn’t hate to spend time with. However, there is a vast difference between that, and them being good characters in a movie.
At least their behaviour in the first two-thirds is logical, if only because there’s nothing much happening which requires them to do anything. However, the moment one of their number is apparently dismembered and dragged out of their tent in the middle of the night – without the other people in the tent hearing anything! – then all common sense goes out of the window. The film thereafter staggers from one scene to the next, each more nonsensical than its predecessor. Though I did laugh at the final shot, which has the survivors back at the sporting goods store – this time, buying and leaving with the flame-thrower. Maybe that’ll show up in a sequel: Big Cat Trail II: Revenge Served Well-Done.