Dir: Jason Matherne
Star: Ric Kauffman, Lauren Andress, Stephen Waltz, Doug Ryan

For only the second time in approaching almost two thousand reviews on this site, I am at a loss, finding myself simply unable to award a rating to a film [the first was Man Behind the Sun, if you're interested]. Imagine Clerks, directed by John Waters: and not the cute, fluffy, later period John Waters of Hairspray, but the sick, perverted, early John Waters of Female Trouble. Someone is stalking and killing the sexually-active residents of New Orleans. Someone with a dildo attached to their chin. It's up to Mark (Kauffman) to stop the psycho, not least because he works in a porn shop and knows it's only a matter of time before he and his girlfriend (Andress) become a target. And also since the police, in the shape - hey, round is a shape - of Sly Stallone fetishist Det. Depschett (Ryan), are worse than useless. Meanwhile, a group of extreme feminists, CLAM, are running interference, with their own agenda.

You name the sexual fetish, it's depicted here, in a way that is occasionally perilously close to hardcore, and never the slightest bit erotic. It may be "realistic", but who watches movies for realism? The film is at its best when it reigns that aspect back a bit, and the concept of Clerks in a XXX setting is inspired, leading to the film's most memorable moments. That's probably the best word for this overall: "memorable." The acting is as amateur as you'd expect; the sexual participants not the kind of people you want to see naked; and the special effects are mostly of the dime-store level. I can't think of anyone at all, to whom I could recommend this. Yet, there is no denying the commendable, utterly twisted imagination clearly present in almost every aspect of this production. As a result, we will remember this, long after "better" movies have been consigned to the trash-can of memory.

[July 2008]

Porn to be Wild
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