Rating: D+
Dir: Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead.
Star: Lou Taylor Pucci, Nadia Hilker, Francesco Carnelutti, Nick Nevern.
Well, this was… Not what I expected. Admittedly, I didn’t have much in way of specific expectations. Over the months between adding it to my Tubi watchlist, and it actually surfacing, I’d largely forgotten why I wanted to see it in the first place. It begins with Evan Russell (Pucci) watching his mother die of cancer in front of him. He then gets involved in a post-funeral bar brawl, calls up a chick for an abortive sympathy fuck, and decides to bail on America entirely, with little more than the clothes on his back. He heads for Italy, teams up with a couple of loudmouth Brits, and I seriously wondered why I was here. Tonal whiplash much?
Matters were not improved by the subsequent meet-cute with ItaloTotty Louise (Hilker). Though I did admire the scenic location of Polignano a Mare, on the Adriatic coast, and the loudmouth Brits left mercifully quickly. BUT WHY AM I WATCHING THIS? Turns out Louise is… Um… Not entirely human. It takes a while for Evan to work out what the audience already knows, from the moment they see Louise’s choice of post-coital snack. When he does stumble across his bird in her natural form, Evan is really remarkably chill about it. Sure, he has questions. But, c’mon. He has only known her for about a week. I have certainly broken up longer term relationships, for much smaller issues than “not being entirely human”.
For reasons, their relationship now has an imminent expiration date, like a remaindered carton of cottage cheese. Evan convinces Louise to spend the rest of that time together and we enter Before Sunrise mode. If I wanted to watch Before Sunrise – and trust me, I do not – I would watch Before Sunrise. This section gave me plenty of time to ponder how the film had taken a potentially fascinating concept, and decided, instead, to concentrate on the least interesting aspects of it. Few of which make sense. Given Louise’s supposed maturity and experience – she’s not as young as she appears – she should not be acting like a twenty-something on her period, at the drop of a Yankee accent. Then unexpected natural disaster! The End.
From what I’ve read, this is an entry in the Benson and Moorhead Cinematic Universe, with their various movies all taking place against the same background. Being charitable, perhaps this would be improved if I knew that background. Instead, what we’ve got is something which is certainly not horror- or SF-oriented enough for me, though the effects do have their moments. I’m baffled by reviews, like the top one on Letterboxd, which calls this “profoundly moving”. Is there some other film by the same title? It makes sense B&M have now drifted over to work on Marvel, because the emptiness here is appropriate. “Are you a vampire, werewolf, witch, zombie, or alien?” asks Evan at one point. I’d have taken any of the above, over a vague longing for a plate of calamari.