Rating: D+
Dir: William Rose
Star: Charlie Robinson, Irving Selig, Al Monaco, Dino Tarronova
a.k.a. Nudes on the Rocks
Ah, this prime slab of nudie-cutie rubbish does at least deliver, standing in sharp contrast to the failings of The Adventures of Jane. Fourteen years of chipping away at censorship and a couple of thousand miles of geography will do that. The opening credits here basically offer a cornucopia of sixties breasts, in a range of shapes and sizes. This is probably a good thing too, because the early going thereafter is pretty rough. We have instead Charlie (Robinson), a burlesque comedian who lives with his shrewish wife in a trailer. But the good news is, his neighbour – when not driving a taxi – is working on a time-machine which will transport them back to the days of Cleopatra and harems.
Before we get out of the present day, however, we have to sit through apparently interminable scenes of Charlie’s burlesque sketch schtick. For example, a scene where he is trying to get into bed with his new wife, but is unable to do so, due to a series of interruptions. I will pause for a moment, and allow you to stitch your sides back up, since surely they must have split at that. The same year this was made, back in Britain we were getting Carry On Cabby. It may not be the best of that franchise, in terms of comedy, it is still a million miles ahead of what passed for humour here. A stovepipe hat that explodes when somebody whistles Dixie. These are the jokes here, folks.
We’re almost at the half-way point before Charlie hijacks the time-travelling taxi, and heads back past the Revolutionary War and Ancient Egypt, eventually landing in the year… Oh, take a wild guess. Cue cavemen (who are clothed) and cavewomen (who are not), both conveniently speaking English – it’s also notable the top billing is given exclusively to the men. The humour doesn’t get any better: a caveman pulling a box of matches out to start a fire, for example. However, the remainder of proceedings does prove that a spoonful of eye-candy helps the bad comedy go down. It also helps the advisor to the King of the Cavemen is capable of delivering her lines without triggering anaphylactic shock in the viewer.
Plot? Oh, yeah. There’s a giant terrorizing the locals, whom Charlie must defeat (the hat mentioned above might be relevant). But it’s mostly more burlesque routines, which do not improve with greater exposure. The best thing the film has to offer is perhaps a dance with a snake, performed by a vaguely Bettie Page-alike. It’s certainly an improvement on Charlie’s comedy. The actual nudity is notable for being almost entirely in cutaways, as if the actresses didn’t want to be in the same room as the star. Don’t blame them there. What stands out otherwise is: so many naked women, and not a single tattoo between them. Truly, it was a different time…