Time for another batch of short films – though this time, we are perhaps stretching the definition a little beyond the normal. To be clear, we would call anything which is less than about an hour of running time a “short”, and so eligible for one of these irregular features. But this time, we also delve back far into the past, and start with an entry approaching a century old.
The Fresh Lobster (1928)
Dir: Unknown
Star: Billy Bletcher
Back from the days when crediting a film’s director was clearly considered vastly over-rated, this seven-minute short is an early example of mixing live-action and animation. Though there’s some doubt about the IMDb date, it being pointed out that a car in the background is a 1931 model. Bletcher was actually best known as a voice actor: he played the wolf in Disney’s Three Little Pigs, and was also bulldog Spike in a number of Tom & Jerry cartoons. Here, he gets an on-screen appearance, as a man who has a midnight snack of pickle and lobster, which does not sit well in his digestive system. The resulting nightmare sees the lobster, now grown to giant size, chase Billy out of his house and through the streets, both pursuer and pursuee at various points being mounted upon Billy’s high-speed bed.
This is surprisingly well-assembled, using a variety of tricks, from stop-motion through cel animation, with even a genuinely large model lobster in the mix. It definitely has the feel of a Looney Tunes – not least when the bed flies off a cliff, and the following lobster plummets into the ocean, before the bed does a U-turn. Though potentially, it was made as much as a testing ground, to demonstrate the various kinds of effects work. It may have been intended as a show-reel for the makers, since there’s no indication it was ever released theatrically. As well as the director, nobody seems to know who did the animation work, which is a shame. This surprised me in a number of ways, and is genuinely both funny and creepy. Going forward, you’ll probably think twice before hitting the fridge at bedtime. [You can watch this on YouTube]
Murder in Black Satin (2023)
Dir: Elbert H. Smith
Start: Bryan Kruse, Sig Maley, Emily Hobbs, Cannon Miller
This is best described as a giallo homage. Someone, nicknamed by the press “The Soulless Slasher”, is carrying out a series of brutal murders. Troubled homicide detective™ Moe Saxon (Kruse) is trying to figure out who, along with his long-suffering partner Marcus Hemmings (Maley). Running interference is nosy TV reporter Wendy Padbury (Hobbs), as well as Saxon’s unfortunate addictive personality. The case eventually leads to a reclusive artist, the Count Vicari (Miller), who… Well, the scenario certainly goes down the giallo path, by probably not making much sense, if you think about it too hard. Best to avoid that.
At fifty-three minutes, this is the “long short” mentioned above. But I do have to respect a film-maker who cuts their movie according to its needs. It would have been easy to pad this out with another 20-30 minutes to reach a more commercially-viable length. Smith decided not to do so, and I think it works well enough at this length. The limited resources are sometimes apparent, not least in audio which does wobble in both volume and quality. However, composer Duane White’s score papers over some cracks. Arguably this is a little too grimy for its own title – especially in the early going, it’s more sandpaper than satin. In terms of giallo, I’d probably put it closer to Fulci than Argento. [Now available on Tubi]
Turing Test (2025)
Dir: Jaschar Marktanner
Star: Marlene Fahnster, Richard Lingscheidt, Ozen Fidan
AI is hot right now (literally), and this short explores some of the potential issues. It begins in a conversation between a researcher (Fahnster) and her AI creation (Lingscheidt) in a VR world. The AI is being prepared for an upcoming convention where it will try to pass the titular test, successfully convincing the people it speaks to that it’s actually human. Or will it? For as the AI says, the test “can be intentionally failed by any artificial intelligence smart enough to pass it.” Then, we break out of the VR world, and discover that things might not be what they seem, as the researcher speaks an undeniably human colleague (Fidan), who is more interested in going to get something to eat.
Given this runs barely six minutes, it manages to cram a lot in. It will help if you are somewhat aware of concepts like the Turing Test, because there isn’t enough time for full explanations, such as why an AI might want deliberately to flunk it. However, the basic ideas should be clear enough, with the execution being crisp and to the point. There is one final twist, which feels both necessary to add a final sting, and a little obvious, perhaps even clichéd. You will still likely be left pondering how you would carry out the Turing Test, to try and determine #HumanOrNot. I’d probably ask it to describe in single words, only the good things that come into its mind about its mother. [The short is currently on the film festival circuit]
Vermelho Vivo/Bright Red (2014) + Desmanche/Slicer (2016)
Dir: David Barros
Star: Manuel Amaro, Telmo Bento, João Rebelo
Both these shorts, running nine and four minutes respectively, are by Portuguese director David Barros, and are straightforward horror. Bright Red sees Bento play Filipe (below), a man whose wife was murdered a month ago. With the police apparently useless, he takes matters into his own hands and kidnaps the man he believes responsible (Amaro). Is he actually the killer? The film leaves that up to the viewer. Instead, it brings us right into Filipe’s world, using hand-held camera and close-up shots, sometimes extremely so. We are watching a man thoroughly convinced about the righteousness of his actions – Bento certainly sells that. Yet we are given very limited evidence to support that conviction, and the results make for uncomfortable viewing. “I will destroy you. I just want you to suffer as she suffered…” [Here’s the trailer for Bright Red]
Bento returns in Slicer, playing a man who dismembers corpses, and finds one of his subjects (Rebelo) is less corpse-like than usual. In my head canon, I can imagine this as a sequel to Bright Red, after Filipe became unhinged by his experiences there. From a one-off vigilante, he has now gone full Dexter, down to the plastic sheet-wrapped kill room. It’s amazing how your head can fill in the blanks, and write an entire story based on a film which puts the “short” in short film, with zero dialogue, and no particular data about either of the men involved. For this does the absolute minimum, in terms of providing the viewer with information, but does it with sparse efficiently – essential given the running-time. I could perhaps have done without the strobing light effect – if I’m going to cut up dead bodies, my lighting will be on point – and there’s no time for subtlety here. As jump-scares go, however… [The short is on YouTube]
