Rating: C-
Dir: Beverly Sebastian
Star: Tray Loren, Donna Scoggins, Nigel Benjamin, Cana Cockrell
I’m not certain what lessons should have been drawn from the failure of Phantom of the Paradise, but it appears they were ignored. For a decade later, we have another attempt to merge popular music and horror, and the results are… well, while I admit to being somewhat entertained, it’s more at the film rather than from it. The musicians here are the band Sorcery, whom Wikipedia informs us with a laudably straight face, were known for their “elaborate stage show consisting of a Heavy Metal band and two master magicians who incorporated the use of magic illusions in the on-stage battle where Merlin takes on Satan.” In surely unrelated news, 1984 also saw the release of Spinal Tap.
Sorcery had previously appeared on (sadly, apparently lost) Dick Clark’s A Rockin’ Halloween, along with Devo, Jermaine Jackson, and Toni Basil, which sounds a more amusing ninety minutes than this. Instead, we get heavy metal singer Billy Harper (Loren) going on a killing spree, for which he is eventually executed. Two years later, girlfriend and singer Lynn Starling (Scoggins) is about to go on tour with the rest of the band, when she starts being stalked, apparently by the dead killer. Naturally, nobody believes her, especially after she convinces her friend Honey (Cockrell) to join her in digging up Billy’s grave, only to find the expected decaying corpse. The first night of the tour arrives, inevitably with an unexpected, vengeful and Very Special Guest star appearance.
To be fair, the music isn’t bad, and I am no fan of early eighties hair-metal. I’m Back, the song which forms the film’s climax, is a bit of a banger. The vocals were performed by Nigel Tufnel Benjamin, Sorcery’s lead singer at the time, who also plays the band’s manager, and are pretty good. But the rest of the film has very little to offer. I guessed the basic thread of where this was going very early on, and after Billy’s initial spree, there’s too much stalk – almost entirely of Lynn – and not enough slash. Lynn does try and make up for this, with a lengthy, entirely gratuitous bath scene, which firmly dates this to the pre-Brazillian era.
The bigger problem is Loren’s flat and uninteresting performance. He’s never credible as a rock star, possessing all the personal charisma of Morrissey with a hangover, and less presence. It needs a star like Alice Cooper, who can command an audience’s attention, both on stage and the screen. Not someone who looks as if they failed to make the grade as a Juggalo, and learning he was the son of the director and the producer makes a great deal of sense. It should be difficult for a movie to be largely dull when it contains the line, “I want your hot steaming pussy blood all over my face,” and features the use of an electric guitar as a lethal offensive weapon. Yet, somehow, here we are.