Rating: E-
Dir: Ross Patterson
Star: Mat Best, Nick Palmisciano, Jarred Taylor, Vincent Vargas
Where to start with this one. Your reviewer was a little stumped as to how to introduce this ‘entertainment’. So lets start with the summary: Avoid at all costs.
For context, William Shatner has a cameo very early on in the film, and delivers an absolute (albeit comparative) masterclass on acting to the rest of the… erm… well …the rest of them. Danny Trejo also appears later as a zombie, to again show ‘how it’s done’. Now, in fairness, I should point out that almost none of the cast (of ‘far too many along for the ride’) are actors, with many being ex-military. Okay, and with my conscience clean, and you forewarned, let’s dig in (bring your wellies).
Just out of ‘the service’ it’s time for a group of testosterone-high masculinity-junkies to paaaaaaarteeeh like it’s the end of the world (or at least the last evening before the Zombie-Apocalypse strikes)… …to all end up in jail where more bum-slapping yee-haw can continue, and in the mean time, oh I know, let’s all made jibes about being gay to prove that we’re not homophobic!?
There’s lots of testosterone-fuelled ‘bon homie’, brashness and bro-ness on gregarious display here, substituting for a script or plot or any actual acting. All is helpfully interspersed with lots of self-referential ‘in jokes’ (as best I can tell), and an endless scree of ‘if this was a zombie movie’ sort of dialogue. (Look mommy, we’re being post modern and ironic, and are the new Rodriguez and Tarantino!!) …And it’s already time for me to simply write up my notes:
11 minutes in, and I’m going to required a shed-load of beer and/or a lobotomy to get through this… expect the quality of the writing to dip.
“The only boner I have right now is for KILLING ZOMBIES!!!!!!” – cue loud music and a hyper-masculine montage of rage.
Its billing as a “comedy” should have read “stupid”, and if the gearing-up-for-battle montage is survivable, then you’ll do well, and I can only assume that most of what was seemingly a limited budget was spent on Shatner and Trejo, with none reserved for script-writers/actors/anything other than beer.
“If this was a zombie move…” rinse and repeat. God, this is utterly dreadful.
25 minutes and it’s time for the ‘banging the zombie chick over the counter HiLaRiOuS scene’.
In summary: Let’s hope that this is the worst film that I will ever accidentally select and, for [unknowable] reasons, then watch to [probably] the end [or kinda close to the end][maybe][no promises on that]
Yup. Dreadful.
49 minutes. Only 39 to go.
Puerile. Vacuous. Smug self-satisfied drivel.
Dreadful.
[Rotten Tomatoes gives it 83% with 500+ reviews – so you may like it!]
Upon reflection, I can only assumed that a few entitled frat-boys, high on internet-fame, got boozed up and wrote all this on the back of a beer soaked napkin. They then touched their friends and family for financing, and then pissed the money up the wall, and along the way produced this excrement.
Plot summary for those who made it this far – a bunch of perma-smug dickheads meet up with a couple of hot chicks in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, stumble across the cure and so save the USA from the ‘alien invaders from within’, and would have got thanked by the President but (most) instead decided to chug beer and/or bang the zombie chick some more…. …where’s Paul Verhoeven when you need him?
I repeat: Avoid at all costs