Rating: D+
Dir: Rupert Hitzig
Star: Peter Dobson, Dina Meyer, Jon Polito, Francesco Quinn
There’s a colourful simile, describing someone as looking like “twenty pounds of shit in a ten-pound bag.” This could be considered the movie equivalent, albeit on the other end, because it’s twenty minutes of entertainment in a ninety-minute movie. It’s bordering on the impressive. You know, almost from the start, where this is going to go. It just takes more than an hour to get there, spending a spectacular amount of time faffing around with minor characters and uninteresting subplots, of absolutely no relevance to the obvious resolution. This is a pity, because once it shows up, there’s reasonable entertainment value (despite the obvious presence of Chekhov’s Rattlesnake). Getting there, however… Sheesh.
The core story sees FBI undercover agent Dean (Dobson) become a key witness in the case against mob boss Luke Santelli (Joe Cortese), after seeing him personally dispatch a traitorous minion with a baseball bat (top). To keep Dean safe, he’s sent out of town to a remote mountain cabin where, with nobody to keep him company, he slowly goes stir-crazy. The agent in charge of the case (Martin Kove) recruits friend Monica (Meyer) to go baby-sit the witness, and stop him from doing anything which could endanger him or the trial. Meanwhile, the mob are trying to figure out where Dean has gone, so he can be neutralized. The obvious part is, they eventually locate the witness and send two hit-men to prevent from testifying. Except, Dean and Monica learn they are coming, and can prepare.
It’s here where things get at least slightly interesting, because the targets are considerably smarter than the assassins, and this helps allow them to neutralize the obvious advantage in firepower and lethal experience. This was originally watched for potential Girls With Guns coverage; despite the wildly inaccurate cover, it doesn’t get there, though does end up with Monica going on the offensive after Dean takes a bullet. The reptilian wild-card comes into play here, following an earlier encounter when Dean and Monica were out and about near the cabin. It is a little contrived, yet in general, Hitzig handles these scenes adequately, and you’re never quite sure how things are going to work themselves out.
The problem is, everything that happens before the pair of assassins pull up in their (unsuitable for off-road activities) vehicle. I can’t really begin to document the inanity, because I’ve already forgotten most of it, and I watched the movie less than twenty-four hours ago. In summary, it’s low-rent wise guy nonsense, performed by people who appear to have come no closer to organized crime than an ex-rental copy of Goodfellas. Meanwhile, up at the cabin, the romantic tension is blossoming in moderately unconvincing fashion, as Monica’s job slowly transforms into genuine affection for her charge. To be fair, Dobson is not unlikable. Shame the same cannot be said about a script with little to offer, except some dubious facts about rattlesnakes.