Rating: D+
Dir: Robbie Moffat
Star: Marnie Baxter, Jon-Paul Gates, Rachael Sutherland, Robert Jan Szemis
This is apparently the third in a trilogy of historical movies made by Moffat, though neither The Bone Hunter nor The Winter Warrior are on Tubi. However, no less than twenty-three other movies by the director are there, beginning with 2001’s Hawk and the Dove. So he has clearly been very prolific, which can only be applauded. On the basis of this, I’m not exactly rushing to check out his other work – I will confess to being somewhat intrigued by the idea of 2021’s Dracula on Holiday. Maybe once the memory of this has faded a bit, because what we have here is over-ambitious, and every time it seems to take a step forward, two or three back quickly follow.
It takes place in 577 AD, according to the IMDb synopsis “in the Highlands of Scotland”, when an opening caption tells us the Celts inhabiting what would become Scotland, were in conflict with Angles “arriving daily on the Eastern sea-board.” However, the main location appears to be the ancient kingdom of Strathclyde, which this Scot knows is neither Highland nor Eastern. Mind you, as well as Celts and Angles, we also have Picts, Irish and a random German guy showing up at various points. They all speak modern English with different accents, slightly disappointing after an opening which seems to be in epic poem form (if you’ve heard Test Dept’s Gododdin, it has a similar rhythm). It would have been a refreshingly uncommercial choice, at least.
The main problem is a story which tries to pull in an excess of different directions, and as a consequence requires too many factions for the resources. For example, the party of Aeric the Angle invader (Gates) has about three (3) other people in it. Making it a simple “Celts vs. Angles” battle would have helped paper over the cracks. Instead, there are too many moving parts, none of which are developed adequately. Even the simple angle (pun not intended) of Ethne (Sutherland) seeking vengeance against Aeric for her father’s death, would have worked better. We have little reason to care about King Roderich (Szemis), and his need for a sham wedding to a princess of Ulster, because he is made gay for some reason.
This cringeworthy desire to make the Dark Ages progressive crops up elsewhere, in lines like Ethne’s proto-feminist pronouncement, “We’re women. Our history is never written.” Though I did genuinely LOL at Roderich musing, “Women these days, they just don’t want to stay at home.” While some performances have strayed in from Holy Grail, others aren’t the worst; Gates is nicely villainous, and Sutherland endearing. Been nice to have had them given more chance to make an impression, instead of the jaw-droppingly bad CGI Nessie which pops up. It serves absolutely no purpose except to remind you of the poverty-row budget in effect here, something also done by the wobbly attempts at action, and the way ninety percent of this takes place in fields.