One-Eyed Monster

Dir: Adam Fields
Star: Amber Benson, Caleb Mayo, Veronica Hart, Jason Graham

Excuse me: "introducing" Ron Jeremy? Yeah, never heard of him before... Even if you ignore his legendary adult flicks, he was in The Boondock Saints, Killing Zoe and Orgazmo, a decade or more ago, not to mention a host of B-movies from the likes of Brain Damage and Troma. That little bit of self-adulation by the film sums it up well, however: it's neither as clever nor as daring as it thinks it is. A group go to a remote cabin to make a porn flick, only for it to be rudely interrupted when an extra-terrestrial takes over Ron Jeremy's penis, separates from his body and sets out on a rampage of death and fertilization. Any potential in the idea is never truly realized, thanks to a one-note script that has no idea what to do except wave its (alien) dick around, and performances that are largely forgettable, especially from the younger actors - veterans like Jeremy, fellow porn-star Hart and the ever-reliable Charles Napier are easily the best, in their supporting roles.

Compared to the subject matter, the film is as restrained and proper as a Sunday-school picnic, with hardly any gore and surprisingly-little nudity. That's a major disappointment: you expect a film about a knob from another planet to be completely tasteless, yet everything happens off-shot [er, as it were]. Part of this may be down to the low budget, but I do feel the creators, the Fields' brothers, came up with the idea, and coasted through the movie from there, without bothering to develop things too much further. There are also a number of holes in the plot - and not just the one that the monster is intent on filling. Boy, this review is just about writing itself. Much credit to the creators of the amusing publicity campaign, including both great spoof posters and Ron's dick getting its own blog. If they'd put as much thought into the movie as into the promotion gimmicks, we'd have had a much better chance at a winner.

[August 2009]

Ooh! Feedback! karmalosangeles writes, "To Whom It May Concern, The person who reviewed "One Eyed Monster" is a complete idiot. He or she clearly didn't understand the film or get the brillant homages in it. From the first sentence of the review, I knew that this person had no clue. The film maker wasn't "introducing" Ron Jeremy the porn star. It was the disembodied PENIS that was making its film debut. Trash City REALLY needs to hire more QUALIFIED EDUCATED reviewers."

If that was actually the film's intention, then perhaps it would have made a great deal more sense to say, "Introducing Ron Jeremy's disembodied penis," no? Just a thought. I'm not quite sure how you "qualify" to review a film about said detached genitalia, or exactly what "education" would be required, but I'll check and see if Yale perhaps offer some kind of post-graduate program in the area. It might be of help, in the (admittedly, unlikely) event that any more "dick on the rampage" films cross our path.

A movie about dick,
with no balls
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