Princess Warrior

Dir: Lindsay Norgard
Star: Sharon Lee Jones, Dana Fredsti, Mark Pacific, Tony Riccardi

"Come on, take your clothes off: the portal won't wait for ever." Actually, there are two princesses, the good one teleporting from her planet to Earth to escape the bad one, via the portal just mentioned - which, like The Fly can only transport organic material, though heroine Ovule (you may snigger, I certainly did) mysteriously manages to retain her shoes and panties. As for the rest of the plot, I'll just quote the DVD chapter headings: "Princess Escapes/Wet T-shirt contest 1 + 2/Spoon Up His Nose/Tattoo/Love Scene/Cat Fight/Happy Ending". Any questions? This brushes against Incredibly Bad territory, with bad princess Curette (Fredsti) splendidly evil. Unfortunately, it withers on the vine in the middle, with the longest and most pedestrian car-chase sequence I've ever endured. I got more entertainment value from picking the security seal off the DVD box, and enjoying its pleasing springiness. Still, bearable if viewed in the right spirit. Or even the right four-pack.


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