B.Monkey (Michael Radford) - An explanation of the title will help: B. (Asia Argento) is a jewel thief who falls for a mild-mannered school teacher played by Jared Harris, and vows to break free from her life of crime and disreputable friends, Rupert Everett and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Oh, were it that simple. Or even that interesting, since the characters here are so whiny, it's hard to give a damn when they spend all their time shouting at each other (Argento at one point resorting to "you fucking fuck") or moping. We're given little justification for why B. is so sought-after, and the villains don't appear to be much of a threat. Though Argento certainly looks good holding a gun (particularly when topless), the script has all the quality of one her father would reject. As for the rest of the cast, Harris is a cypher, Everett impersonates Hugh Grant, while Rhys-Meyers gets in some sneering practice for his role as the anti-hero in Gormenghast. And the cover is trying to imitate The Assassin - I would illustrate this with the two sleeves, but figure you'd prefer a pic of Asia...with a gun...topless... Sorry, drifted for a moment. Let's just say that, given the same cast and concept, I could have done much better. D-

• The Church
• The Lost Son
• Nikita
• True Romance