Rating: C+
Dir: Taneli Mustonen, Brad Watson
Star: Athena Strates, Elisha Applebaum, Madalena Aragao, Andonis Anthony
The Philippines makes a convincing stand-in for the Florida Everglades. Who knew? That is just one of the fascinating nuggets I learned while watching this alligator attack movie. Okay, it’s really the only such nugget. There is a moderate amount of wildlife-speak, most of it out of the mouth of biology student, Kyle (Strates) – who is female, unlike every Kyle I have ever known. Though these days, I should probably not be making such blatantly genderist assumptions. Anyway, you’d think a biology student would be the perfect person to have with you under any circumstances involving alligator attack. But not really. She doesn’t offer many helpful tips beyond suggesting bopping it on the snout. I’d say if you are within snout-bopping range of a ‘gator, significant mistakes have probably been made already.
She is on the way to Florida to scatter the ashes of her brother, who – it turns out some way into the film – was gunned down as an innocent bystander in a convenience store robbery. I guess this is a spoiler, given how long it takes the movie to get around to revealing it. But neither it nor Kyle’s resulting guilt serve any real purpose. Also along are Malika (Applebaum) and Alice (Aragao), and things go a bit pear-shaped when the plane they’re on malfunctions and plummets into the swamp [I watched this on a flight from Phoenix to London, and could sense the passenger next to me eyeing the crash sequence nervously] Alligators ensue. And not just normal alligators. These have been upcharged by meth lab run-off and are now meaner, highly territorial, and aggressively asking tourists for spare change while scratching themselves.
Matters are not helped by Malika being a total cunt, willing to sacrifice anyone for her survival. To adjust an old saying, you don’t have to run faster than the alligator, just the person next to you. Equally bad is Alice swiping an alligator egg, having read they are worth a small fortune. If only there was a convenient biology student nearby she could have checked with, regarding the wisdom of such an act. Needless to say, this guarantees the group are pursued through the swamp, and picked off one by one, as if by a reptilian version of Jason Vorhees. These sequences are what I am here for, and are pretty well-done, with the (largely CGI, I presume) animals well-integrated with their human prey.
It all ends, unsurprisingly, in the meth lab where it all began, now home to a pack of tweaker ‘gators. This leads to the group having to tiptoe through the reptiles to reach a radio from which they can call for help. Why ALL of them have to go, rather than just the one sending the message… Oh, look! KILLER ALLIGATORS!!! It’s an accurate summary of the film as a whole: largely dumb, yet entertaining enough in it’s enthusiastic carnage, tearing apart people you largely don’t mind seeing get eaten. The sole exception might be pilot Frank (Anthony), whose brusque approach to customer service can only be admired. Otherwise, I was largely on the side of the drug-crazed animals.