Rating: C+
Dir: Nathan Hill
Star: Nathan Hill, Sandy Greenwood. Liam Beattie, Julie Jeffery
There’s a meme which says that everything in Australia will try to kill you. Based on the evidence of this movie, it appears that if you are a moderately attractive private investigator, everything in Australia will try to have sex with you. Actually, this manages to illustrate both of these, while it follows gumshoe Jasper Clay (Hill) on his search for a missing toddler. I’m not sure how good a detective he is, but I suspect not very, since the first time we meet Jasper, he is packing up his office, and about to retire from the business entirely. On his way out the door, the phone rings, and he makes the fateful decision to go back and answer it.
On the other end is Courtney (Greenwood), the mother of the lost child. Barely has she told Jasper about her situation when she takes him into the bedroom for a spot of afternoon delight. Their coitus is rudely interruptus by two thugs, who knock both Courtney and Jasper out, before abducting her. This largely sets the tone for the rest of the film, since Jasper’s investigation seems to consist in equal measure of him having sex and getting beaten up, as he follows the trail to local crime lord Danvers (Beattie). Though it’s fairly chaste sex – I think Greenwood is the only actress to disrobe properly. Ironically, I think the sole woman who doesn’t attempt to bed our hero is, literally, the manager of a brothel (Jeffery).
There are a lot of reviews on Letterboxd, which clearly didn’t get the joke. To be honest, I can’t blame them since it’s all very deadpan, and Hill is likely too mid for the role. He’s no James Bond, yet neither is he ugly enough, that the parodic elements of women falling at his feet become apparent. If you look at the poster, you can imagine ordering Simon Pegg on Temu, and are likely in the right area, Hill having a similar polite, low-key charm. The fact he is behind the camera too, muddies the water further: taken seriously, the way the director beds almost every actress could border on the creepy. But again, doing so would be a mistake.
This dates back to 2011, so is from the fairly early days of Hill’s feature work. You can occasionally tell, with some performances that are particularly rough around the edges, and plotting that exists largely to get from one bit of sex or violence to the next. However, there are still moments which grabbed my attention, such as the sudden use of animation, making the film suddenly look like a video-game – albeit a video-game firmly from well over a decade ago. Readers of a certain age may recall the Leisure Suit Larry franchise, and it feels like Hill does too. After each beating Jasper endured, I had an urge to hit ‘Restore’. Until Uwe Boll buys the rights to make an official adaptation, this will do the 8-bit job.