Rating: C+
Dir: Adam Werth
Star: Kevin Hager, Robert Standley, Greg Tally, Sarah Nicklin
Like Mahal Productions last film, Arena Wars, this is a bit of a throwback. In this case to the sword-and-sorcery flicks of the eighties. If I’d seen it in my college days, I’m pretty sure I would have immediately ripped it off, um, adapted the movie for my D&D campaign. It takes place in the land ruled over by King Samuel (Hager), which is being terrorized by a creature called the Bone Devil. After it chews up and spots out his best soldiers, the monarch decides to hire a group of mercenaries known as the Lost Blades, under the leadership of Brennus (Standley). However, finding the Bone Devil might not be the end of the matter, to put it mildly.
The early going here is a bit wobbly, to be honest, with so many characters, you need a Player’s Manual to keep track of them all. These lead to a slew of plots, not all of which have room to be more than half-assed. For instance, we have Samuel’s daughter Sabine (Nicklin), who wants to be a swordswoman, as well as Brennus’s daughter, Joan (Kim Kelly), who has dressed as a man so she can join the Lost Blades (and is as unconvincing as most cinematic cross-dressers). Pick one or the other. It’s also distractingly diverse: less in race than voice, with people apparently choosing accents by lobbing darts at a world map. And someone – no names – hit the French castle from Holy Grail.
However, things definitely improved in the second half, as the film hit its stride. The plot focused in on fewer characters, and while I was surprised how early the Bone Devil was defeated, turns out the king’s untrustworthy adviser, Mustela (Tally), was keeping something even nastier in the castle dungeon. And it’s not happy. Consequently, we get enthusiastic throat-ripping, torso-stomping and entrail-yanking action, which is a lot of fun. The suits for both it and the Bone Devil (top) are quite impressive, and I appreciated the leaning towards practical effects in general. There’s even what appears to be a castle. I’m guessing Newman’s Castle in Texas which, while dating from… Well, let’s just say, I have older T-shirts, beats handily a model of Camelot, or flaky CGI.
The performances are as much a mixed bag as the accents. There are a few recognizable faces, in Kevin Sorbo, Eric Roberts, Daniel Baldwin and Angie Everhart, but these are all minor roles. I think Standley was the, ah, standout, as he tried to wrangle the disparate members of the Lost Blades, protect his daughter and slay the monsters. The film had no problems in killing off characters, even some surprising ones, and that does give a sense of peril for everyone else. By the time the end credits rolled (the wraparound story tying back in nicely), this had recovered from the shaky beginning. In terms my college self would understand, after initially rolling a fumble, the movie successfully made its saving throw.
The film is out now on Amazon Prime.